The Link Between Tanning Beds and Skin Cancer
By Dr. Gary Jayne Rothfeld
Oh, vanity, thou art a cruel mistress!
For some, the path to youthful glory lies in kale—wretched, tasteless, kale—while others, poor souls, seek the golden touch of a sun-kissed glow. But alas, some find themselves in the most unfortunate of places: the tanning bed, a cruel contraption that promises beauty but delivers only the folly of age. It is a box of light, indeed, but one with a dark and twisted fate. For here, one does not gain a radiant aura but rather a future spent with dermatologists and oncologists.
A Tragic Comedy: The Tanning Bed
One may step into these beds, hoping to emerge as a sunlit god, a radiant figure in the pages of ancient myth. But what dost one truly receive? The glow of death, for one doth return not with the elegance of a golden Olympian, but as a leathered relic, weathered and cracked like an old couch left out to die in the rain. If thou dost continue this folly, thou art not to a vacation in Greece, but rather a quick and unfortunate visit to a doctor whose office smells faintly of antiseptic and regret.
The Science of “I Told You So”
And here come the learned men of science, with their lab coats and calculators, shouting from the mountaintops: Tanning beds are deadly! It’s not merely a cosmetic disaster, but a health catastrophe in the making. These UV rays—those very rays which we should seek in moderation—doth penetrate and mutate our skin like a terrible play, one with no ending save for wrinkles, sunspots, and the ominous shadow of skin cancer. Aye, they turn our once smooth visage into a battleground of lines and spots, a reminder of the years we’ve lost.
Consider this, if you will: Using a tanning bed before the age of 35 increases your risk of melanoma by 75%. Seventy-five percent! Dost thou think thy beauty is worth such a price? Yet still, the masses march in, eager for that "perfect tan," as though they are heading toward some paradise of glory.
“But doc,” you may cry, “I need my glow!” Ah, yes, but what you need, dear friend, is your skin. You may glow for a moment, but be prepared for your next "glow-up" to come in the form of surgical excisions rather than flattering Instagram selfies. The true glow comes from within—within a body that is healthy and well cared for.
How to Age in Reverse (Hint: It Doesn’t Involve Broiling Yourself)
Now, listen well, for I shall impart the secrets to you, without the need for rays that burn and blight:
Self-Tanner Exists. – Yes, the modern world has bestowed upon us a glorious invention that allows us to achieve a golden glow without roasting our skin like a Thanksgiving turkey. Use it! Be free of the UV tyranny!
SPF Is Thy Best Ally. – Think of SPF as your knight in shining armor. Would you venture out into battle without armor? Would you stand naked before the fire? Nay! The same principle applies to your skin. SPF 30 or higher, and reapply as the sun doth continue its relentless journey across the heavens.
Hydration and Nutrition. – Your skin is not some couch that requires "breaking in." It is a temple! Keep it moisturized, feed it well, and nourish it with the kindness it deserves. Forget the sun damage. It’s the enemy, and the enemy must be avoided at all costs.
And what if the damage is already done? Fear not, for I, Dr. Gary Jayne Rothfeld, stand ready to lend my hand. With over 40 years of experience, I have witnessed the tragic consequences of neglecting one’s skin. As an elite swimmer, Senior Olympian, and a man who actually gets his 9 hours of sleep each night—because yes, I practice what I preach—I am uniquely qualified to restore what has been lost.
📞 Call or text 212-644-4484 before you find yourself regretting your sunlit sins.